You must have heard…
I’m not human, I’m a monster and unable to feel.
I can’t feel like you feel
I live in a world were nothing seems real.
The only thing I feel is emptiness and the cold grip of loneliness.
I watched my spirit sneak out afraid
Even my heart walked away from my body leaving me a Nobody with No body.
My flesh felt weak…
I couldn’t feel anger that pain brought alongside to linger. Not even laughter.
Depression kept trying to suffocate me
But then, I had no heart because I was dead to my emotions.
I swore death for every living being for the pain they afflicted on me.
To err is human, but I’m not human
To forgive, is divine
My principles call that a lie.
I was just mere bones, the remnants of my past that tore me in bits and left me dead.
I’m a monster, dead to my emotions
Like a walking corpse
My existence had no course.
I was only existing but not living
I couldn’t feel love nor give love.
Happiness, I saw as a curse
That brought me loss…
You know not what I feel
You have no right to judge.
I lost my loved ones to death.
Maybe it’s my payment for loving too much.
As the eagle renews it’s age
I renew the consciousness of pain in me that laid
Vengeance flowed through my veins
Altered my genes, I became a beast.
It’s venom wrapped my brains…
… my mind resurrected buried memories.
The reminiscence of my past like hundred knives pierced through my mind.
I couldn’t CARE LESS, maybe because I was CARELESS
I promised to make death pay
I starved myself, hungry with passion for revenge. A bitter sweet meal.
The weight of emotions are heavy
I feel weak from the loss I carry…
…I’ve experienced a weight loss, creating a hollow no emotion can fill.
I don’t have to feel, I’m still that monster.
The world has deserted me
I’ve been abandoned
I can’t fit in
I am empty.
I’m still that thing, dead to my emotions
Maybe kill myself? To give death what it deserves.
But, I’m already dead. Lifeless. Emotionless.
Fiction or nonfiction?
My name is Fortune and this is my affirmation.
©Fortune Nwaeze
2018.
